This is the first post this 2016. The past few days, I've thought about what will be my first post for this year after months of hiatus from blogging. And I thought that it's better to look back how my 2015 was. This is the first tranche - I decided to list down my top three learnings based on my experiences last year.

I hit the big 30 last year, I'm not pretty sure if it's hormonal, psychological or whatever it was but to simply describe it, 2015 was a roller coaster ride for me. So many highs and lows or many lows rather than highs. It was indeed a challenging yet enlightening year for me. Every aspect of my life, from personal to professional stuff - I felt like I advanced ten years in 2015.

I've come to realise a lot of things. I've finally learned how to appreciate and value simple things, those things that I've disregarded when I was five to 10 years younger. Among all those things that I have gone through last year, here are my top three learnings. 

1. HEALTH IS WEALTH

Aside from the fact that I'm a premature baby and my mother told me I was in the incubator for a month but ever since I was a kid, I was never never admitted in a hospital. When I turned into teens up to early 20s I believed I am that sort of "healthy" and I was not sickly. When I started to join the workforce nine years ago, for the record, only once or twice a year I called in sick leave but whenever I was in such it took a week before I became well again. That's how I was until my mid 20s. I'm a Psychology major, I was not really a diligent student before but I clearly remember that whenever we get sick the reason behind it it's because we are stress. Aside from the viruses that we might acquire, our body's immune system is at low when we are stress. It's like we are having too much that we cannot handle anymore that's why it manifests in various ways affecting our health, behaviour, interpersonal relationships, even our outlook in life. 

I was sick many times last year but the most time that challenged me was towards the end of the year after I had my annual check up. It was hard to accept the fact that all this time I was not really that well. I had to face the three different findings at that time. I was in my very low spirit at that time. It's Christmas season and yet most of the days of December, weekdays and weekends I was in the hospital. I've been to ER twice last year. I had to undergo several tests. Those hospital trips costs me physical and psychological pain. And yes, although I was and I am very thankful up to this time that I have a medical card but it cost me a lot of money too. I remember my father back then always told us to spend on good food rather than paying for medicines and hospital bills. It's true and I feel sorry but what can I do I need to have myself checked and get treatment. I remember while I told myself to hang in there, I prayed fervently to God to bring back my good health and that I will be well and I'll be okay with my life.

I thought what's the essence of having everything when we are not in our tip-top condition. How can I chase my dream when I am not healthy, it doesn't make sense at all.

We have to take good care of our health, seriously.

2.  TAKING A LEAP OF FAITH

How many times in your adult life you question, yearn, hesitate on some things and the same time you still want to push for it? Those things. Either we are talking about relationships or work or a dream or a hobby. I have been cracking my brain for a very long time wondering what shall I do. Should I stay or go.  Should I push forward or push aside. Back then and up until now, I have had too many of it. We didn't want to leave our comfort zones because we fear of the unknown. Fear of the unknown will bring us to the fear of uncertainties which will land us to the feeling of insecurities. I remember what people said that as people gets older the more it gets confusing. It's true, for goodness sake!

I told myself last year, how I am? Was this what I truly want? Was it worth the wait? Was it worth it all this time? Will I be okay after this? Why it feels like I'm stucked for too long? Those questions. Those thoughts that made me cry like a river at night when I'm alone. Those were the things that seems to stay a little bit for too long in my head. Although I've had too many reasons for everything but at the end of the day, I've come to realise what matters most is that if you will be okay with the choice that you choose. But rather than feeling sorry for myself and putting the best poker face ever I decided to finally throw myself on the unknown and find out the answers to my questions. I'm not sure if I will be right all the time but I think it's worth a million times than to stay in just thinking and living in"what ifs"right? If I fail at least I've tried. I'd rather be hopeful than regretful. 

3. RELEASE THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE

Have you found yourself in a situation wherein you felt like you were carrying those unnecessary stuff inside your system for too long? Either it's a failed relationship with someone or bad relationship with a family member or feeling of being worthless, helpless or overwhelmed? Those were just a few of those emotions trapped inside our body. Why it's trapped? Maybe we suppressed our emotions or simply just unfinished business or unresolved conflicts. I do not know how and when these emotions stucked within will eventually find their way out of our system but I'm pretty sure in time they will be taken care of. I've just read that we can release it if we have the "intention" to let go of those emotions in the first. It might work for some but based on my personal experiences, although I knew what to do and there's intention to let go I failed to release the negative emotions within a "reasonable" time frame. Why? I didn't know the answer also. But I thought it's up to the person's coping and healing, readiness to accept things as they are and finally moved on. Some times it's short term, some times it will take longer than expected. (Oh by the way, I'm not a psychology guru here I'm just trying to explain based on my personal experiences.)

Will time take care of everything? I guess so, time will come we finally let go and move on.

There you go, my top three learnings for 2015. It seems like I'm pretty serious with it huh?! Oh well, there are some things in life that take its toll on me and yet these things also hone me into a better person and I wanted to remember it all through out my life.

So I'm really hoping for the best this 2016. May all my plans will finally come to realize this year.